I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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