We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
