Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything