I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.