the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.