doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in