I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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