you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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