you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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