I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
