then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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