Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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