Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
