no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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