How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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