So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
