we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
