then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
