I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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