I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My Sexting was not on an AP level
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
