She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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