whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize