i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
