it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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