you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
