I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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