My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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