I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.