She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I need moral support for this bender
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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