Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
