so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
