do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize