I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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