Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize