i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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