Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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