remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
