So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
