I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
