We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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