how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
