I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
