Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
