Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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