Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
