honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
