Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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