I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
