So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
