I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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