Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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