tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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