This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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