Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
