Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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