She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
