Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
