I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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