I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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