Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
