Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
