i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
