what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Blow job season was short but glorious.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
