I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
