I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
