if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he fucked my hip out of place.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
