I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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