I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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