I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
