perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
