Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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