I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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