i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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