Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
